LISTEN: Shadowpact – “Coup De Main” [prod. Artemis the Archer]

Never-Nervous.com

Battle raps are an intrinsic part of hip-hop culture, an aspect that I can mostly appreciate. I’m not a violent kind of guy and prefer diplomacy to rowdiness, unless you count any situation that requires a dance off to save a community center from greedy developers. I’m just not all that competitive a person, so when I hear someone run their mouth about something, for the most part I don’t really give a fuck. Who cares about being competitive? (spoiler: not me)

I’ve been called out for my writing before. Some of it was valid, and some of it read as the most sniveling crybaby shit that I’ve ever laid eyes to, but I’ve never felt compelled to get heated over it; you learn from life and move on. This is all to say that I’m a little conflicted over the concept at the core of the beef rap, as it can and has in the past skewed way too macho for my tastes, and I’m just not interested. Unless it’s funny. And goddamn do Shadowpact deliver.

To set the scene a little, back in the halcyon days of… fuck, I don’t know, sometime last year, Shadowpact played a set somewhere with an emcee named Illusive. So far as I can surmise, the central thesis to his beef here is that Shadowpact bounced early from the show, and in the process missed his set. You read that right: someone got angry (and maybe more than a little sad) and decided to throw down the gauntlet because another group had to go home. Because it was a work night, and, you know, folks have to get up early for work when they do that. You can refer to our first rule of Scene Etiquette for our thoughts on the matter, but I might also direct you to a different entry on that list that may shed some light on why anyone may put sleep above your set. And you can definitely point to this rule of Scene Etiquette about ol’ Illusive here, because as his name implies, he has no internet presence that I can find. Is this one crybaby or a pack of such? Listen below and get a taste of this wackness.

No more tears, guys. Honestly, it’s not the worst track I’ve heard, even if the central thesis is some seriously misguided fussiness. And yes, I wrote “fussiness” on purpose, because I know a baby when I hear one. The thing is, and this is what I don’t get: why not take the talent you have and spend it on making quality music instead of squandering it on this? I guess the answer is that no one would be talking about you unless you ride on the coattails of someone else, and I’m not sure why that logic is satisfactory for anyone. This track sat in obscurity for months and only got attention when it came to the attention of Shadowpact who do have the wherewithal to share things on the internet. Take that passion and turn it into something productive. Or have fun with it like Shadowpact did on their reply. Listen to that below, and get ready to laugh.

Fuck. These lyrics are killing me: “He’s the type that slits his wrists and cries playing AFI,” or “Slow dance to My Chemical Romance.” That’s some rascally haterisms, and while we don’t typically support that kind of thing you have to give credit to a funny turn of phrase, and one that equally eviscerates everyone involved: take that AFI and My Chemical Romance you’re collateral damage, bay-bee. Of course, Illusive has taken that piss in his pants (or their pants, whatever) and made a response to this, but it’s the kind of thing where people get called “faggots” and “bitches” and that kind of talk is horse shit. Fuck that noise, and get the fuck out of here. Get your plugs literally any other place than here.
And seriously: Shadowpact is not an Avengers reference you fucking twits.

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